An "epiphany" of sorts.

 Yesterday, I spent some time checking out the greeting card blanks I was planning to use, and discovered that they aren't at all the type I'm used to and will require a bit of thought before attempting to complete them.  So I decided to clean up the studio area as my first step, while I was mulling things over in my mind.  I found a pair of jeans that I had bought a few months ago and never got around to shortening.  Lately I've been paying to have my pants shortened, but these were cheap jeans and it looked like a simple job.  It's been quite awhile since I attempted anything related to dressmaking, but I confidently sat down to do it.  But, like the Frigid Box, what could go wrong, did go wrong, especially in figuring out how to do the job, on my newer sewing machine.  Finally, the thought occurred to me that maybe I had forgotten how to do simple jobs on a sewing machine?

Well, maybe and overreaction, but this whole idea struck at the very basis of my self identity.  I've heard people say that they were "devastated" about something.  Now I know what that means.  This may be the first time I can honestly say I had a panic attack.  I was almost rigid with stress.  Talk about a "fight, flight, or fright" response.  I had one. I was in such a panic that I just stood there shaking-frozen on the spot.  I couldn't think of what to do.  Thank Goodness, I have some past work experience in addressing milder forms of this, but not much worked very well, yesterday  The need for physical action took over. I did all of the chores I had listed on my task list, but that only helped a little bit.  I couldn't read. I couldn't settle to anything, but the tension/stress was very slowly diminishing.  More physical activity.  Then, David took me out, to the casino, for the evening.  We had fun, and casino vlt's have always provided a bit of stress reduction for me. (Not a Good Thing!) After a couple of hours, with minimal losses, I was ready to come home, feeling much.  A bath, some Cherry whiskey, and I was able to sleep--a bit of restlessness, but still, some sleep, and everything is better in the morning. 

So, what have I learned, and what am I going to do about it?  I think I've said, in the recent past, that, following Covid, it's almost been as though I was re-living, my lifetime journey through the various techniques and strategies of art quilting.  I think I might be wise to lean into this by going back and re-learning, or maybe just doing a lot of practice, in those techniques that I rely on, such as using my machine for machine quilting and Free Motion Quilting.  Now is not the time to be worrying about craft sales, especially when my heart has never been there in the first place.  What will be, will be, and if something turns out to be worthy of a sale, so be it.  The group in Lorette has already told me that I can come to the sale and just sit there and enjoy the day if I want.

Several of my recent posts had indicated a sort of restlessness in my studio work.  Maybe a sub-conscious sense of loss of ability, but more a sense of seeking a sense of direction.  Again, maybe I need to lean into figuring that out, before I start worrying about things I cannot change.  And, yes, the Serenity Prayer came to mind several times yesterday,

Decision time

 The box "Frigid Sanctuary" has been in progress for almost two months.  It's a case of "what can go wrong, will".  There are so many steps to making this sort of box, that even the smallest step can influence the image and structure of the box.  I am thoroughly tired of it, but still think that it can be salvaged, and may even be good enough to offer for sale.  But I need a break.

This is the final appearance of each of the five sections.  Yes, the large darker beads have been discarded, and will hopefully find their way into another project.  Interesting, in that the whole concept was based on the those beads. The lining has been fused to the wrong side, and I have started to hand stitch the crease that will form each corner of the box.  The next step is to stitch it to the bottom section.  That, itself, isn't at all finished, and the five feet haven't even been cut out.  But, when I tried to see how things might fit, I discovered that the structure isn't strong enough to hold itself upright.  I had forgotten to put in either strong interfacing or a cardstock support into each of the five sections.  This means trying to open the very bottom of the lining section and insert some sort of support into each section. This could be a a tedious and somewhat nasty job.

Then, after taking the previous picture, I realized that the final beading up the center of one section is off center. 

I'm tired and discouraged.  I need a break.  This will be set aside for awhile, and I'm going to consider making some stitched greeting cards for sale at the one Christmas sale I'm committed to.